blogging, dealing with food cravings, emotional eating, Food Addiction, losing weight, Medical Weight Loss Program, public relations, setting goals, Uncategorized, weight loss journal

Day 20: Hey weight! You don’t know me!

Why are we judged by our bodies?  What does your weight say for you? (Photo by mallinaltzin Wikimedia Commons)
Why are we judged by our bodies? What does your weight say for you? (Photo by mallinaltzin Wikimedia Commons)

Yesterday, I blogged about journaling.  One of the suggested prompts was to write about what your weight says or does for you.  After a comment from Maria, from Still Times, I knew I had to address this question , so here goes:

My weight speaks to me and for me. It says terrible things.

To others it’s a first impression that outweighs the myriad of things that I have going for me.

To those who don’t know my skills or ambition it might say, “Don’t give her a chance. Choose the thinner one.”

To those who don’t know my strength, it’s a flashing signal, a blaring siren, a grating alarm that makes people think, “This woman is NOT in control of her life!”

To those who don’t know my sensitivity it whispers, “She’d be pretty, if she’d lose about 80 pounds.

To those who don’t know my kindness, it hisses, “Why is SHE ordering dessert?”

It berates and barrages me with:

 “Don’t post your picture on Facebook; they’ll all see how fat you are.

Stay away from your high school reunion, you’ll be a laughingstock.

Why don’t you look like other professional women your age?

You look terrible in that outfit!

 Why can’t you change?

Try harder; be perfect; you have more to prove because of me!”

My weight is a dick.

It makes me tired, unhealthy, and under confident.

It reminds me on a daily basis that I’m inferior; but I only listen for a little while, because I know my weight lies to me. I know its origins.

It’s more than hand-to-mouth; more than habit or hunger.

My weight is born of grief, hurt, fear and anxiety.

The death of my mother,

The illness of a child, and

The terror that it could happen again.

There are things that I need to let go of; things I need to accept; layers that I need to peel away with diet and exercise and connections and trust.

I’ll leave it speechless as I conquer myself and change the things that I allow it to tell me.

Today is my weigh-in day, so I’ll briefly report my progress when I get home from the doctor. 

     What do you think your weight conveys about you to yourself and others?

****Back from the Doc—I lost two pounds.  I wish it was five, but at least I didn’t gain anything! 🙂

10 thoughts on “Day 20: Hey weight! You don’t know me!”

    1. I can’t imagine dealing with the pressure of having to stay thin for modeling. I have several friends who were professional dancers in their youth (now they teach) most of them were starving themselves to stay slender. Thanks for the nice complement! 🙂

  1. This post made me teary eyed. Oh, how many of us actually feel this way and yet say nothing. How many of us suffer silently and cringe inwardly when we are looked upon with a frown. How many of us wish to enjoy the moment of photographs without looking at the double chin that radiates from the image, oh dear… there are just too many things I could say. This post touched my heart beyond words.

    Maria

    1. Oh, Maria, thank you so much. Your words mean a lot–it feels great to be understood. 🙂
      Oh, photographs! My oldest daughter got married in June and I so wanted nice family pictures. The photographer did a wonderful job, but he still couldn’t make me look 80 pounds thinner! I am literally the only person in my entire immediate and extended family who is overweight, but I’m changing that! 🙂 Have a wonderful evening!

  2. Inspring post. So honest and thoughtful and insightful. I think to confront how we feel inside is the bravest thing and I admire your outstanding strength. Your writing conveys this so clearly. This educates and lifts horizons of me and I am sure others too.

  3. Thank you for following me and I look forward to your journey. I loved your line my weight is dick..oh and you aren’t inferior, you have suffered through a great deal, the death of your mum may she R.I.P and the illness of your child. I send you positive thoughts from across the seas, you can and will do this! 🙂 x

  4. “My weight is born of grief, hurt, fear and anxiety.” Wow that is a good one. Yep, I probably begin with hurt and put grief at the end, but otherwise I am right there with you.

Comments make me reappear!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s