I’m having a hard time titling this post. The reason is because I’m a perfectionist. I want a title that draws in readers; a title that’s clever and impressive; a title that makes people think, “This girl really knows her shit.” The truth is I don’t know my shit. At 53, I question my shit daily. I overthink, and rethink, edit and over edit, and spend 99.999% of my time working to make sure that other people are happy. I eat things that aren’t healthy for me (I just ate a doughnut). I skip exercise. I struggle for the right words to say to say to everyone and constantly worry about what people think of me. I clean and re-clean my house. I pray that no-one at a get together asks me what I do for a living, or notices the extra weight I’ve put on. I say yes when I want to say no. I do this all because I doubt myself and question my worthiness. I’ve done this since I was a very little girl.
Self-confidence, or my lack there of, is the number one thing I’m working on with my weight-loss counselor. I’ve learned how to eat and exercise correctly. I know the “magic” formula for conquering my metabolism and maintaining my weight. I’m introspective and know why I feel so worthless, yet my whole life I’ve not been able to drop the events in my past, or the words in my head, that have made me feel like I don’t measure up to others.
A few weeks ago, my counselor recommended an amazing book by Dr. Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection, Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Brown is a researcher at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work who has spent her career studying vulnerability, shame, worthiness, and courage. I skeptically ordered it and for two weeks it hung out on my bedside stand. My thought was that this was going be yet another book full of psycho-babble that would end up on my overflowing bookshelf collecting dust. No so! When I finally cracked the cover last week at the beach, I found that it was full of simple truths that have begun to cause me to challenge my lack of worthiness, my perfectionism, and my constant need to please others. There were literally mere sentences that flipped my way of thinking. For the next few weeks I’m going to write about my thought processes and progress as I digest, and hopefully, put into practice the information in this very worthwhile book. In the meantime, here’s a short clip, courtesy of YouTube, of Brown speaking about her book:
PS–I decided to gift myself a break and not worry about a perfect title!
Please only answer these questions in the comments if you feel comfortable doing so.
- What self-esteem issues do you suffer from?
- What do you think the cause is/was?
- What do you do to bolster, soothe, or celebrate how you feel about yourself?
PS–I decided to give myself a break and not worry about a perfect title! 🙂